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Before you turn to Google or AI for life advice, think about who you could call. Maybe it’s your grandmother, an older neighbor, a longtime family friend, or the former colleague who always seemed to understand what mattered—and what really didn’t.

Karl Pillemer has made a career out of doing just that. The Cornell University gerontologist and author of 30 Lessons for Living directs The Legacy Project, which has gathered practical life advice from nearly 1,500 older adults since 2004. Across backgrounds, income levels, and regions, Pillemer says, the same handful of themes surfaced again and again: Prioritize relationships over money. Say yes to opportunities instead of always playing it safe. Pay attention to ordinary pleasures, like a warm bed on a cold night, a good cup of coffee, or a brightly colored bird outside the window.

You don’t need to interview 1,500 people to benefit from that perspective. Start with one older woman you trust—but don’t simply ask which habits she followed. Some were meaningful choices; others were simply what her time and circumstances demanded. Instead, Pillemer suggests asking: “As you look back over your life, what’s the most important thing you’ve learned that you’d like to pass on to someone younger?”

Then ask her to help you make it small: “What could I do this week to put that lesson into practice?” Trying her answer might make your life a little better, while asking the question could make both of you feel more connected.

Ask what she learned—not simply what she did

This impulse is already bubbling up online. Nonna-maxxing has filled social-media feeds with slow mornings, Sunday dinners, homemade pasta, gardening, knitting, and other routines associated with Italian grandmothers. Hana Ben-Shabat, a generational researcher and founder of Gen Z Planet, believes it’s resonating partly because it offers a reprieve from the algorithms, constant stimulation, and pressure to optimize nearly every aspect of modern life.

“It would be a mistake to think of it as simple nostalgia,” she says. “I really think it’s a desire to find something that modern digital life can’t offer,” including practical wisdom, rituals, real-life connection, and the satisfaction of developing skills that don’t need to be tracked or turned into content.

Still, copying what an older woman did isn’t necessarily the same as learning from her. Your grandmother might have cooked every meal from scratch because she believed deeply in gathering people around the table—or because she didn’t have a microwave, two incomes to juggle, or a delivery app. “Copying the habit itself risks copying her circumstances rather than her insights,” Pillemer says. As he puts it: “It wasn’t wisdom. It was 1962.”

He learned that lesson while interviewing women old enough to remember the arrival of household technologies we now take for granted. When Pillemer asked some very old women to name the most important technological innovation of their lifetime, they didn’t say the moon landing or the television. They said the washing machine. Before it became commonplace, laundry could consume two days of a woman’s week; many would have happily traded parts of the traditional lifestyle now being romanticized for modern conveniences and expanded opportunities.

That’s why Pillemer advises getting curious about the meaning behind a routine. Ask why it mattered, when it helped most, and whether she’d actually recommend it to you today. You could also ask what she wishes she’d done differently. “That habit only counts,” he says, “if it survives the question: ‘Would she actually tell you to do this?’”

Turn her lesson into something you can actually do

A life lesson like “worry less” or “enjoy the present” is lovely, but it’s hard to know what to do with it at 8:42 on a stressful Tuesday morning. Push for something concrete: “When did you learn that? How did it change the way you behaved? What should I do the next time I’m in that situation?”

When Pillemer asked older adults how younger people could reach their 80s or 90s with fewer regrets, he expected to hear about big mistakes and dramatic roads not taken. “I was not prepared for how many people said, ‘I wish I hadn’t spent so much time worrying about things I couldn’t control,’” he says.

One woman recalled learning that layoffs were coming at her company. “I spent three months only worrying about being laid off,” she told Pillemer. Then she paused. “I now wish I had those three months back.”

Pillemer, who describes himself as a compulsive worrier, has turned that advice into a practice of his own. When he starts spiraling, he remembers all the older people who told him that worrying—not planning or taking useful action—had stolen time they could never recover. “You have to imagine this room of 1,000 grandparents yelling at you: ‘You’re just wasting your time worrying about it,’” he says.

Your borrowed practice might be even simpler. Every morning, psychologist Mary Pipher, author of Women Rowing North: Navigating Life’s Currents and Flourishing As We Age, sets an intention for what she’ll look for throughout the day. Sometimes it’s beauty; other days, kindness, gratitude, laughter, or love. “We find what we’re looking for,” she says. Choosing something positive to notice alerts her to its presence all around her—and makes the day more likely to be a happy one.

For Mijal Tenenbaum, 32, the habit is wearing perfume every day, even if she’s simply going grocery shopping or lounging around in pajamas. She picked it up from her bobe Jaia—bobe is Yiddish for grandmother—whose signature scent was Very Irresistible by Givenchy. Jaia wore perfume even when she barely left the house, alongside other small rituals like applying moisturizer nightly and getting regular pedicures.

Tenenbaum came to understand those routines as a way her grandmother cared for herself while spending much of her life caring for everyone else. “It’s OK to give yourself to others,” she says, “but also, where are those moments where it’s just about you?”

Another habit might involve doing something with your hands. When therapist Erika Mills spent summers with her grandmother, now 96, their Saturday mornings began with a walk and a search for treasures at neighborhood garage sales. They brought their finds home and imagined what they could become; eventually, the two worked together on Mills’ wedding dress. Mills still sews and repurposes items when she needs to feel grounded. Life can be chaotic and uncertain, but, she says, “I can always control that sewing machine.”

Try whichever practice you choose for seven days, paying attention to how it affects the rhythm of your life. You don’t have to execute it exactly as the older woman does. Adapt it to your circumstances while preserving the insight underneath it.

Remember that asking is a gift, too

Whatever habit you come away with, the conversation itself might be the most meaningful part of the experiment. Throughout The Legacy Project, Pillemer found that older people didn’t merely tolerate being asked for advice—they relished it.

It felt different from simply being asked to recount their life story. When a younger person says, “I want to know what you learned in life so I can use it,” Pillemer says, it “reverses the power dynamic.” The older person isn’t being treated as someone who needs help. She’s being recognized as someone who has something valuable to offer.

That can be especially powerful in a culture where older adults often feel overlooked, says Jennifer Breheny Wallace, author of Mattering: The Secret to Building a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose. Asking for advice communicates: “I value you. I value your hard-earned wisdom. I trust you to help me.”

Wallace remembers that whenever she spoke to her Italian grandmother, the first question wasn’t about work or accomplishments. It was: “What did you have for lunch?” Wallace now asks her own children the same thing—a small way of signaling that she cares about who they are, not simply what they achieve. She also makes a point of greeting them with the unrestrained joy her grandmother once showed her.

“The fastest way to feel like you matter again is to remind someone else that they do,” Wallace says. Asking an older woman for guidance can start that cycle for both of you, especially when so many younger and older people are struggling with loneliness and disconnection.

Iceland is holding a long-awaited referendum on Aug. 29 to decide whether the country should resume accession negotiations with the European Union.

The country initially applied for E.U. membership in 2009, but accession negotiations were halted upon a change in government in 2013. Then, in 2015, Iceland announced it "should not be regarded as a candidate country for E.U. membership.” However, the membership application was never formally withdrawn.

Iceland’s Prime Minister Kristrún Frostadóttir said she believes now “is a great time for Iceland to join [the E.U.] because of the geopolitical situation we're in.” She praised the conduct of the E.U. in recent years and said it had made her want to expedite the referendum process.

The E.U. is “looking strategically around. They're aware that the world is changing. The Arctic has increased focus now, and I think a lot of European countries, and the European bureaucracy in Brussels is aware, that they need increased flexibility for Europe to stay more modern,” she said. "This is where Iceland comes in."

Read More: Why the Movements of a U.S. Oil Company in Greenland Have Attracted Attention

The E.U. in June signaled a willingness to enlarge the bloc by opening the first negotiating clusters for Ukraine and Moldova.

Here’s what you need to know about Iceland's referendum, what will be asked of the roughly 400,000-strong population, and what could come next. 

What is the referendum about and what will voters be asked?

The exact question being put to voters for a yes or no answer is: “Should Iceland reopen accession negotiations with the European Union?” 

Eirikur Bergmann, a professor of politics at Bifröst University in Iceland, describes the vote as more of a "pre-referendum," because while it could resume negotiations, it does not mean Iceland is set to join the bloc.

What are "accession negotiations"?

Accession negotiations are the formal process by which a country and the E.U. set out the conditions for admission into the bloc.

These are based on the country’s adoption and implementation of the E.U. acquis—the body of common E.U. law.

Typically, before a country begins accession negotiations, all 27 member states must unanimously agree to open them.

A country negotiates membership with the E.U. in certain chapters. Iceland previously opened 27 of the 35 chapters and provisionally closed 11 of them.

Iceland and the E.U. would need to review the chapters that were already closed, but experts predict this would likely be a relatively quick process.

“The job that was done previously has been done,” Bergmann tells TIME. “Every chapter will be looked at again, but there's not much work to be done on most of them.”

A European Commission spokesperson told TIME that if Iceland were to notify the E.U. that it wished to resume accession negotiations, the E.U. and its member states would “quickly determine how best to take the process forward, building on the work already done.”

“A substantial amount of work was already completed during the earlier negotiations, and that would naturally be taken into account,” the spokesperson said, adding that “no two accession processes are identical” and “each candidate country is assessed on its own merits, and negotiations take account of its specific circumstances.”

Iceland is already deeply integrated with the bloc, with Bergmann describing it as being “at least three quarters inside the realms” of the E.U. The country “is already almost completely aligned with the E.U. on most of the issues that have been difficult for the accession of other countries,” he explains.

The country is part of the European Free Trade Association (EFTA), which encourages further economic integration with the E.U. It is a member of the European Economic Area (EEA), which allows for the free movement of goods and services and enables cooperation across multiple industries between Iceland and the E.U.

Iceland is also part of the Schengen Area, allowing people to travel without internal border controls between member states.

What happens if Icelanders vote “yes” in the referendum?

If a majority of Icelanders vote “yes,” the Icelandic government will resume accession negotiations with the E.U.

If and when a deal is reached, the agreement will be put to a second referendum for the Icelandic people to accept or reject.

However, the road ahead for Iceland to join the E.U. could still be a lengthy process, with both sides having to reach an agreement and negotiate an accession treaty—outlining the terms of membership.

If the majority of people vote “no” in the Aug. 29 referendum, accession talks with the E.U. would not resume, yet the country would likely remain closely tied to the bloc through its existing partnerships.

Why fishing remains a major obstacle to E.U. membership

A key issue for many Icelanders centers on fishing rights.

“Fisheries have been the main stumbling block for Iceland's membership,” Bergmann says. “The political reality in Iceland is that no politician could ever advocate for an accessional treaty of Iceland that will not both practically and formally guarantee Iceland's control over its fishing grounds.”

Iceland has a deep and rich historical connection with fisheries, which serve as both an economic driving force and an important part of the country’s cultural heritage.

Fisheries are covered under Chapter 13. That chapter had not been opened when negotiations were put on hold in 2013 and Iceland hadn’t submitted a negotiating position.

Under the E.U.’s Common Fisheries Policy, regulatory authority and international representation would no longer remain exclusively Icelandic. However, the European Commissioner for Fisheries and Oceans Costas Kadis has signaled there is room to discuss flexibility and tailored arrangements for Iceland.

“What people outside of Iceland often do not get is how the political identity in Iceland plays out in domestic politics,” says Bergmann. “Oftentimes there hasn't been an understanding of this in Brussels, for example, around the fishing policies, where people think it's a practical issue, when it's a much bigger question and much more symbolic.”

Has Trump impacted Iceland’s E.U. debate?

Since returning to office, U.S. President Donald Trump has repeatedly threatened to annex Greenland, a semi-autonomous Danish territory.

Concerns mounted after Trump repeatedly referred to Greenland as “Iceland” during his speech at Davos in January.

Frostadóttir said “yeah,” when asked whether Trump confusing Greenland and Iceland has concerned her.

“Obviously, all of this Greenland matter concerns people, right? It's a huge problem. The fact that we have leaders in the free world talking like this is an issue. It's a massive issue, and I know Icelanders are very concerned about it,” she said in a July interview.

Read More: Trump Refuses to Rule Out Leaving NATO Over Greenland Tussle—Can He Legally Do That?

Iceland is a member of NATO and has a long-standing Bilateral Defense Agreement with the U.S.

“Iceland has never felt that it needed to set up its own defenses,” Bergmann says. “But now Iceland finds itself in a completely different situation where the U.S. is not as reliable a partner as it once was.”

Furthermore, Iceland also does not have standing armed forces of its own.

“This pushes Iceland in the direction of Europe and makes for a new dimension to consider on the sort of accession question of whether the E.U. or European countries might become Iceland security guarantors rather than the U.S.,” insists Bergmann.